My Story
As I type these words, in the hopes of sharing some pieces of my life and history, I can't help but pause in the knowing that words could never capture the truth of where I come from and who I am. The lives and deaths of so many that came before me; those who co-created the vision of me that exists today.
What lands were cracked open? What smells erupted and dissipated into oblivion? What sounds merged and cast spells through time?
I sit with thoughts and stories of all that's existed before me, in order for a future me to be dreamed; also knowing that I'll never truly see the dream more clearly than the dream that exists now.
I'll attempt to share the dreams of yesterday in order to call in a new tomorrow, but the oceans of tears shed, the fears befriended, the rage that swallowed whatever was in its path, to the moments of pure joy and peace that were essential in order for me to be alive today, will never be fully conveyed with these words.
My name is Nathali Arostegui Romero. Meaning Birth of the Lord, House of Woodwork, Rosemary/Dew of the Sea
I was born in San Jose Costa Rica, conceived by a Nicaraguan man who had fallen deeply in love with a Costa Rican woman. Created by life and love but brought into a world shaped by fear and death.
I grew up knowing I carried Indigenous wisdom but the ripples of colonization weaved their way through my mestiza blood dismembering parts of my history that were forgotten by my ancestors but never truly lost.
I come from a lineage of medicine weavers, creatives and resilient life and death bridge builders, jump starting my initiatory path from a very young age.
Up until the age of 17, my sister and I grew up being reminded always of the love that brought us into the world while at the same time feeling and observing the disconnection and fears that imprinted our minds and bodies with memories on repeat and chains unspoken.
Immigrating as refugees to Canada at the age of 3 with barely anything in our pockets and waiting for our father to find his way to us by land was one of the most impactful stories for me growing up. Knowing my parents travelled to a foreign country not knowing the language and with nobody to welcome us, except with the knowing that spirit was guiding and protecting us, is just a small portion of the resilience and courage that lives within me.
To then grow up in a country that's given me gifts and privileges others in my family do not have.
Knowing the genocide this country was built on, has kept me on a journey of winding roads and still at times keeps me suspended in a web of illusions in order for me to find my way home, in moments of truth and surrender.
To say I'm lucky to have been birthed into this world has been a challenge at times. I'm still learning to cultivate my gratitude despite the challenges and obstacles I've faced as well as the challenges I see in the collective but I do recognize with my whole heart and being the gift I have of being alive today.
From the age of 17- 29 was when I endured the most difficult moments of my life. Struggling with what our modern colonial world labels as deep depression and addictive behaviours; specifically alcohol, sex and relationships.
I was on my own navigating the oppressive systems that would continue shaping me but this time unleashing the beings that had been waiting for the moments to take me into the life of shadows.
Death and the Erotic became close friends but as distorted images of their true essences. I fulfilled parts of my lineage that needed to come into awareness. The magic and spirits that moved through me during those moments are medicine I still carry to this day and will continue to unravel and cultivate deep relationship with for the rest of my life.
Between the age of 29 to the present moment of 39yrs on this planet, I've been receiving and sharing my art and medicine with deep intention and prayer; as well as navigating the challenges of motherhood, and conscious partnership with reflections of myself that have been deeply painful, yet have given me greater capacity to hold the fullness of who I am as I dive into deeper intimacy with the world around me.
As I walk this path, I see and deeply feel the grief, rage, shame, and fear we all carry intergenerationally and collectively. I also recognize these emotions are the threads that connect me to the illusions of desire we all fall prey to, as well as the resilience that is gifted through them.
For me the practice of non-duality is an opportunity of surrendering and falling into the cracks and ruptures that duality offers us as a way to truly co-weave with the erotic life force that shapes us all.
As our world pathologize's death and darkness, feeding into our own anti-blackness and exalting what is pure/good/light, feeding the beast of whiteness as it devours our world. I know both Beast and God as one and the same, mirroring each others distortions and creations, as the erotic life force of desire unfolds into itself.
What I share here is an opportunity for us to embrace liminality and trickster medicine in order to recognize our truths and wholeness as we navigate the polarizations and conflicts that exist within and around us.
